Slurpee

A veteran "Official Clock" of the Clock Crew who registered on March 9, 2003, and remains one of the forum's most prolific contributors with nearly 13,000 posts. Active primarily from the mid-2000s through the late 2010s, Slurpee is known for his sharp wit, cynical humor, extensive movie reviews, and deep involvement in the community's meta-drama (including the Clock Crew vs. Lock Legion schism). His communication style blends deadpan sarcasm, rapid-fire forum banter, and a distinctively unapologetic early-internet edge that defined the crew's golden age.

Identity & Demographics

• Clock name: Slurpee
• Age: 37 (at time of data dump)
• Registration date: March 9, 2003, 10:59:00 AM
• Position/Rank: Official Clock
• Custom title: "I sure xylophone do I xylophone"
• Avatar: Custom animated GIF (avatar_201_1462496594.gif)
• Languages/Location: English-speaking; location not specified.

ClockCrew Forum Presence

• Post count: 12,994 (profile personal text notes "3557", likely a legacy counter or alt metric)
• Posting style & frequency: Extremely high volume; rapid-fire replies, one-liners, and thread-hopping across multiple boards. Active in both casual banter and serious moderation/leadership discussions. Known for quick wit, sarcasm, and meta-commentary on forum culture.
• Most active boards: General discussion (Board 43), Movie Reviews (Board 19), Meta/Drama/Schism threads, Welcome/New Member threads, Spam/Gas Chamber.
• Notable threads/topics: Frequent participation in movie review threads, meta-discussions about the Lock Legion schism and CoE leadership, "god = nuh" philosophical meme threads, welcome threads for new clocks, and archive/memory lane discussions regarding forum migrations (.cc to .net) and past admins (Clam, Triangle).

Writing & Reviews

• Prolific movie reviewer on the forum, consistently rating films with scores and detailed critiques. Notable reviews include:
  • Saw 2 (4/5): Criticized Lion's Gate Films' trend of bad guys making puns throughout movies; noted subconscious influence from Cry Wolf.
  • Lucky Number Sleven (8/10): Compared it to Guy Ritchie over Tarantino; called critics "a bunch of fucking whiners."
  • Silent Hill (3/5): Criticized terrible acting, unnecessary exposition, and changes made for a "mentally deficient audience."
  • The Omen (2006) (6/10): Defended the emotionless portrayal of Damien as effective horror of inevitability.
  • Superman Returns (10/10) & 12 Monkeys (10/10): Highly praised both; wanted a World's Finest crossover with Batman Begins.
  • See No Evil: Gave 1/10 as horror, 8/10 as dark comedy; enjoyed it purely for its absurdity and graphic humor.
• Wrote sharp, often profane forum commentary on community drama, racism in jokes ("Racist jokes are only funny when they make fun of racism, and not race."), internet culture history (Lock Legion vs Clock Crew schism), and moderation philosophy.

Personality & Communication Style

• Behavioral patterns: Cynical, fast-paced, sarcastic, unapologetically blunt. Uses profanity freely but often in a playful or rhetorical manner. Enjoys meta-humor, philosophical trolling ("god = nuh"), and deadpan delivery. Frequently acts as a veteran gatekeeper who tests newcomers with sarcasm before welcoming them.
• Recurring topics/jokes: "nuh uhhhhh!", "We run Newgrounds. Welcome.", debating the metaphysics of god/reality with absurd math equations ([{(god+god-god)*god}/god]-god=0), referencing forum drama and mod powers, nostalgic references to early internet infrastructure.
• Interaction style: Often acts as a historian/moderator figure. Welcomes newcomers but quickly tests them with sarcasm. Engages in long-running banter with VCRClock, SatanClock, Triangle, Clam, CorpseGrinderClock, and others. Occasionally takes a firm stance on moderation ("Use